A session this week highlighted an issue around keeping the peace. You know what I mean right? When you censor yourself with another person in order to maintain a peaceful situation, relationship or environment.  The issue with this is that in the moment that you sensor yourself you are being inauthentic, you are not living your truth and you are straying from your path. Now I do agree in picking your battles so some common sense is required here but for the people in your life that you are always tip toeing around, that’s what I’m talking about.

What we seem to forget is that healing and growth can sometimes come from all of these so called un-peaceful moments, these uncomfortable and confronting moments can create real connection or at least real moments of truth. But as long as you remain quiet, sensor yourself or change your behaviour against what feels true for you, you’ll never know. And in doing this there are actually some very real consequences that come out of it for you and the one you are trying hard not to upset.

When you tiptoe around someone so as not to offend or upset or keep the peace you are creating a wall between you both, lets call it a block and this block becomes filled with suppressed emotion that you’ve chosen to deny yourself and essentially shut down in order to keep the peace. So you slowly, silently fill this block of yours with resentment, anger, sadness or what ever it is you’re not expressing in order keep things ‘nice’. Well I don’t have to tell you how that will work out for you do I? It will someday present itself in a way that is far from peaceful, maybe illness or emotional distress or something else more serious but either way it will come out. My advice is to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling at any given moment and to safely express yourself in the moment so that you have control over how it’s expressed.

Another consequence of this action is the message you are sending to your children, assuming they are witnessing this behaviour of course which let me tell you if you have children, they are watching. The message we are sending here reminds me of the subliminal messages in advertising, here we are setting the example that it’s not okay to be yourself, that you are not enough just as you are, to be yourself is offensive to others, don’t show people your true self, hide how you really feel, it’s not safe to express or feel your true feelings.

I could go on but I’m sure you get where I’m going with this, these messages seep into the subconscious of our children and to be fair ourselves when we make a choice to sensor ourselves just to keep the peace.I’ve heard the excuses too, you know the ones, it’s not worth it to speak my truth, she doesn’t listen, I’m not heard anyway or it makes no difference or the tantrums are not worth the hassle etc etc but honestly while that may be true it isn’t up to you how the other person responds, that’s on them. Your responsibility begins and ends with you being authentic and real with yourself, how others respond or react is on them and is not of your concern. So I would say that the consequences I’ve mentioned above far out way someone not hearing me or reacting badly. The only reason I can honestly think of that would negate speaking your truth is if you would be putting yourself in any real physical danger by doing so, if that’s the case then more drastic action and help is required.

Let’s for a moment consider the consequences of our actions for the other party in question. It is my opinion that we are also inadvertently doing this other person a disservice, essentially we are enabling their behaviour and we are helping them avoid and deny their own issues in the moment by avoiding their response or reactions. So in conclusion the information I get around this issue is to lead by example, be the change. Show your children how to be brave and authentic and to live their truth by you living yours, even if you fall, even if you struggle; do it anyway and be real. If you honestly find you can’t be yourself around certain people, you are with the wrong people.

To find yourself you have to be yourself and I can promise you this; it is pure freedom!If this post resonates I’d love to hear from you (feel free to use the link below), maybe there are issues we can work on and clear for you so that you can reconnect to your power and authentic self.

Big love,
Anna x 

Photo with thanks @paulabrennan photography